I’m All For Being Non-PC But Come On

As I watched the darkened female silhouette bump and grind against the body on the bed I thought, “This better be good.” For a commercial, it was already wildly inappropriate. It was only when the camera zoomed in on the male face that I knew what the hell was going on. A sweaty, panting Hitler-impersonator looked up (creepy mustache and all) just as the words “AIDS IS A MASS MURDERER” flashed across the screen.

REALLY???

I get it, but DAMN. The truth of the matter is, the commercial was outrageous. Will it incense a couple thousand people? Probably. Will it make people think twice before having unprotected sex? DEFINITELY. Viceland.com, the website dedicated to independent fashion, film, music and foreign news indignantly remarked that the commercial was merely equating people who don’t use condoms with Hitler. But if you think about it, if you spread AIDS you’re technically helping to kill people in the long run.
In the vein of ridiculous ads, my 16-year-old brother showed me a British advertisement in which a teenage girl is texting behind the wheel when she smashes into an oncoming car. The friends fly around like bingo balls despite seatbelts as another lone reeling vehicle careens into them. As ambulances and helicopters swarm, the driver screams and cries, her friends bloodied and unconscious. Alive or dead, audiences don’t know. As I watched my brother’s reaction I thought Damn right. That’s what happens if you text. Now put away your damn phone, punk. Commercials like that have already saved a few teenagers’ lives. Maybe even his.
So where do the lines of censorship come in? I mean, between the militant anti-smoking campaign and authorities threatening to forcefully vaccinate the state of Massachusetts, these commercials seem normal.
A tee-shirt encouraging men to support breast cancer sounds like a great idea, right? Is it okay that it says “Save the tata’s!”? It’s raising money for breast cancer awareness. You’re not going to please everyone--but if you’re at least making money for a cause or raising awareness, you’re ahead of the game.

You can never be too thin. There, I said it.

Flipping through pages of fashion week coverage, I grabbed at the excess jiggle around my belly. I’m not fat, I reasoned, I’m just not a model. Models aren’t too skinny. There’s a reason they’ve represented ideals of beauty for decades and it’s not because they “look sick”. There are exceptions but, overall, being 5’9” and 125 lbs. looks damn good.

Many have asked why I don’t model. My instinct is to say, “Because I’d need to lose about 50 pounds and I love food.” But I graciously brush it off. At 5’9”, 170 lbs, I’m no waif. But I love models.

While I have days when I would kill to look like Giselle, I realize that she is naturally built that way. And if you read the Rolling Stone article (RS849), you’d know that she consumes lamb shank, beef kabob, and of course salad “with gusto”.

Take “The City” reality show’s character Kelly Cutrone. Upon meeting model Allie, she promptly asks, “Are you okay? You look really skinny.” There is no way in hell (contrary to speculation from “The Moment” blogger) that her “concern is genuine”. It was hostile. Probably because deep down, all women want to be skinny.

Haters should center their arguments around drug use, malnutrition. The National Center for Health Statistics showed a 15% increase in obesity from 1980-2004. Last I checked, we have the highest obesity rate, and a little salad never hurt anyone. Sure, some models have issues with food. But for many of them, it’s work. There’s nothing wrong with the fact that they exercise a little harder and eat a little less shit than the rest of us.

As I type this, I can hear the Beth Dittos of the world crying out in indignation. Ditto, lead singer for the band the Gossip, is known for her OBESE (not voluptuous) physique. No one has commented on her risk of heart disease or diabetes. Ditto is fat. Part of me wants to say “more power to her” but the rest is saying “Give me a break.” And some salad.