When I got home, I made this:
The ugliest bouquet, but it's my bouquet.
I'm realizing that lots of things are ugly. I just have to make them pretty again.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair...
Being home for about 24 hours and getting right back on a plane made me realize I need more time out here to appreciate home again. It's too hot back East anyway. And my memories are almost as good as the real thing. I think that's why I only miss the feeling of New York...not actual places. Those feelings, of family and good friends, will be with me always. I took them back with me on the plane.
When I got home, I made this:
The ugliest bouquet, but it's my bouquet.
I'm realizing that lots of things are ugly. I just have to make them pretty again.
When I got home, I made this:
The ugliest bouquet, but it's my bouquet.
I'm realizing that lots of things are ugly. I just have to make them pretty again.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I'm the President's Son, I don't need no soul...
Tonight I took a trip. I squished my cheap headphones all the way into my ears, shoved my keys, my ipod and a twenty in my pocket and set off for a walk. All the way to New York.
I needed to see a place that was alive after dark. As I grazed the shops of Abbot Kinney, some desolate, some wide open and some subtly winding down, I breathed a huge gulp of fresh air, more for my heart than my lungs. I miss home and this was the closest thing to it.
But before this my friend Amanda and I had a dinner that one could only describe as better than sex (for our waiter did describe it as such). The beet tagliolini to be precise. The bass and the scallops were also not of this world, but then again, all of our hosts were off-the-boat Italians (the best kind of fob there is), and eager to put smiles on our "bellisima" faces.
During my walk I thought about this dinner. How I feel so lucky to feel so healthy. And to be able to eat things and appreciate them bite by bite, like I was appreciating each step of my walk. I looked at everyone I passed straight in the eye until they smiled at me. Call me creepy but that dude in the Dave Matthews "Everyday" video is onto something. For as much as I complain, be it about the job, the fact that men are clowns, or my utter lack of financial freedom, I am pretty lucky to be alive, at the pinnacle of health and feeling good. After all, my girl-crush of a Spin instructor told me I looked ripped today. I thought I was going to fly off of my bike--the girl has Britney Spears' body, circa 1999.
I came back from my walk with a couple souvenirs. I was tempted to stop into Other Room and get that delicious concoction they call Delirium Tremens, which essentially tastes like someone melted a stick of butter into the best IPA imaginable, but I deferred to the liquor store, where I emerged with Self magazine, a Zone protein bar, and some Trident. I also stumbled into a medical cannibis establishment, which I only realized after oohing and aahing at the brownies and realizing they looked kind of like poo, as hash brownies often do. I then somehow acquired a list of doctors who will prescribe me medical marijuana, if I so desire.
On my way home, I thought about my Dad, and how excited I am to see him on Friday. I thought about Ryan Dunn, who's gone now, after drinking and driving his car off a cliff. I thought about where I'll be--or not be--in 3 more months, and I thought about walking down that very street, with a tall dark stranger beside me who I wouldn't have to say anything to, who would just get me.
And for once, I didn't wish for anything.
I needed to see a place that was alive after dark. As I grazed the shops of Abbot Kinney, some desolate, some wide open and some subtly winding down, I breathed a huge gulp of fresh air, more for my heart than my lungs. I miss home and this was the closest thing to it.
But before this my friend Amanda and I had a dinner that one could only describe as better than sex (for our waiter did describe it as such). The beet tagliolini to be precise. The bass and the scallops were also not of this world, but then again, all of our hosts were off-the-boat Italians (the best kind of fob there is), and eager to put smiles on our "bellisima" faces.
During my walk I thought about this dinner. How I feel so lucky to feel so healthy. And to be able to eat things and appreciate them bite by bite, like I was appreciating each step of my walk. I looked at everyone I passed straight in the eye until they smiled at me. Call me creepy but that dude in the Dave Matthews "Everyday" video is onto something. For as much as I complain, be it about the job, the fact that men are clowns, or my utter lack of financial freedom, I am pretty lucky to be alive, at the pinnacle of health and feeling good. After all, my girl-crush of a Spin instructor told me I looked ripped today. I thought I was going to fly off of my bike--the girl has Britney Spears' body, circa 1999.
I came back from my walk with a couple souvenirs. I was tempted to stop into Other Room and get that delicious concoction they call Delirium Tremens, which essentially tastes like someone melted a stick of butter into the best IPA imaginable, but I deferred to the liquor store, where I emerged with Self magazine, a Zone protein bar, and some Trident. I also stumbled into a medical cannibis establishment, which I only realized after oohing and aahing at the brownies and realizing they looked kind of like poo, as hash brownies often do. I then somehow acquired a list of doctors who will prescribe me medical marijuana, if I so desire.
On my way home, I thought about my Dad, and how excited I am to see him on Friday. I thought about Ryan Dunn, who's gone now, after drinking and driving his car off a cliff. I thought about where I'll be--or not be--in 3 more months, and I thought about walking down that very street, with a tall dark stranger beside me who I wouldn't have to say anything to, who would just get me.
And for once, I didn't wish for anything.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Recipe of the Week: Healthy Banana Coconut Chocolate Mousse
So this was a recipe from Domino Magazine that I put my own little twist on. Mainly I made it healthier by lessening the "bad" ingredients.
This is what I did (note my changes):
-2 Bananas
-5 tbsp. coconut oil (buy a jar, it's worth the $11 at Whole Foods--the stuff smells like crack, is healthier and tastes better than butter, and is good for hair and skin...you'll never go back)
-3 tbsp cacao powder (this shit's hella expensive so I just bought vegan carob chips so I wouldn't house the entire bag like I would if I got regular baking chips)
-2 tbsp. Agave nectar (makes it sweet without the crash afterwards)
BLEND!
You can't do this with a cheap blender. You either need an expensive blender or a food processor. Cheering the blender on helps too.
Basically what this comes out to is a heavenly concoction of gelato consistency that tastes like banana, coconut and chocolate, but is about a million times healthier than chocolate mousse. This supposedly yields 2 servings, but that's only if you're a 400 pound reckless diabetic. It's so rich that I've gone at it for about 7 servings. You can also put it in the freezer!!!!!!
FOR THE WIN!
This is what I did (note my changes):
-2 Bananas
-5 tbsp. coconut oil (buy a jar, it's worth the $11 at Whole Foods--the stuff smells like crack, is healthier and tastes better than butter, and is good for hair and skin...you'll never go back)
-3 tbsp cacao powder (this shit's hella expensive so I just bought vegan carob chips so I wouldn't house the entire bag like I would if I got regular baking chips)
-2 tbsp. Agave nectar (makes it sweet without the crash afterwards)
BLEND!
You can't do this with a cheap blender. You either need an expensive blender or a food processor. Cheering the blender on helps too.
Basically what this comes out to is a heavenly concoction of gelato consistency that tastes like banana, coconut and chocolate, but is about a million times healthier than chocolate mousse. This supposedly yields 2 servings, but that's only if you're a 400 pound reckless diabetic. It's so rich that I've gone at it for about 7 servings. You can also put it in the freezer!!!!!!
FOR THE WIN!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Classy, Rich & Sweet
So, I think I may have unlocked the secret of life. Or maybe just the secret to bypassing my midnight snack compulsion, which feels like solving the meaning of life!
Last night, when I got home at about 11pm, I was faced with the same dilemma that greets me after a couple beers and a fun night out. The refrigerator saying "Merrrmmmmmm...open meeeee". And every time, I have a mental row about it before finally succumbing, not even truly hungry, to various degrees of snackage, from leftover vegetables (not so bad) to spoonfuls of frosting dipped in a back of chocolate baking chips (bad). I always feel guilty after this, because I wasn't even hungry to begin with, and also because eating shit right before bed is all around not a great idea.
Well, last night I did the same thing--up until the mental row part. I decided I would feel significantly better about myself if I abstained from that unnecessary snack, and sure enough, I didn't die of hunger. Far from it actually. I did however wake up with a slight hangover after 2 beers and a wine spread out over 4 hours. What an amateur.
I know I've been exhausting the food topic to death. So I'll keep this one short. But mainly I want to own a restaurant some day. Really actually a bar that serves bangin food. I know I would be a good bar tender (notice the intentional space there).
It's good to have goals. I have to say: the thing I've loved most so far about this adventure is not knowing what in hell is coming next.
Until next time...I am in THIS kind of mood: Classy, rich, and sweet :)
Last night, when I got home at about 11pm, I was faced with the same dilemma that greets me after a couple beers and a fun night out. The refrigerator saying "Merrrmmmmmm...open meeeee". And every time, I have a mental row about it before finally succumbing, not even truly hungry, to various degrees of snackage, from leftover vegetables (not so bad) to spoonfuls of frosting dipped in a back of chocolate baking chips (bad). I always feel guilty after this, because I wasn't even hungry to begin with, and also because eating shit right before bed is all around not a great idea.
Well, last night I did the same thing--up until the mental row part. I decided I would feel significantly better about myself if I abstained from that unnecessary snack, and sure enough, I didn't die of hunger. Far from it actually. I did however wake up with a slight hangover after 2 beers and a wine spread out over 4 hours. What an amateur.
I know I've been exhausting the food topic to death. So I'll keep this one short. But mainly I want to own a restaurant some day. Really actually a bar that serves bangin food. I know I would be a good bar tender (notice the intentional space there).
It's good to have goals. I have to say: the thing I've loved most so far about this adventure is not knowing what in hell is coming next.
Until next time...I am in THIS kind of mood: Classy, rich, and sweet :)
Saturday, June 18, 2011
THE CLEANSE, LAST DAY
SUCCESS!! (It's 12:17am but don't worry I'm not eating till tomorrow).
Tonight was the first night that watching Epic Mealtime didn't borderline turn me on. To the contrary, it actually made me sort of sad and I couldn't really enjoy it, especially as I focused on the lack of gratitude those buffoons have for their food. Not once are they like, "Wow, Baconator EggMcMuffin Pizza Lasagna, you are freaking delicious"--and they should.
Maybe it's because they are drunk and are just concentrating on not puking. Which brings me to the next thing I realized:
It must epically suck to go sober. I say this because I'm not even an alcoholic, and I enjoy booze so much--be it a sloppy hoppy beer, a glam rockstar vodka redbull kick, or a classy glass of wine--that I could not imagine life without it. To rely on something so heavily that you go out of control to the point of rehab, only to have that TAKEN AWAY must be an abysmal realization. Means you were running from something worse than the rest of us.
Back to me, I got too cocky tonight. The Hashers (hash.org) were all doing a bar crawl in Venice so I figured, it's my last night of the cleanse, why not bike over and say hi. I was immediately offered 4 kinds of sausage and 3 different pitchers of beer, and I knew it was probably a mistake. I didn't want to offend anyone, but Hashers are like Italians in that if you're not eating or drinking to excess in their presence, you must be unhappy.
Seeing them was nice--for the first 15 minutes. Then the smell of bratwurst and the golden, crisped to perfection hashbrowns got to be too much. As was my moodiness which had managed to skyrocket in a matter of minutes upon entering the next bar and realizing that no one was going to stop offering me beer until I was drinking one--and that was not happening. So I left.
Being able to have fun in a social situation where drinking is involved but I am sober is not something I enjoy doing. I realize this makes me sound like an alcoholic. But I'm not. I would just prefer the ritual of holding the drink, even if it's just one, and feeling integrated with the group--not standing on the sidelines like a schoolgirl tattling on the cool kids for not including you in their game.
To wrap this up:
Pros of the Cleanse have been=deeper sleep, confidence that I can do pretty much anything no matter how uncomfortable, and a renewed appreciation for food; AND being super excited to try all these new healthy recipes like lentil burgers (thanks Jenn), banana pudding, healthy nachos, and homemade sushi!
Cons=I'm bored out of my motherf*cking skull.
I will of course be reporting in tomorrow when I figure out what it's like to chew again. That is if I don't immediately throw up as YouTube will have me believe. Granted these testimonials were Master Cleanse people after TEN days of not eating, but apparently a SIP OF ORANGE JUICE was enough to send one girl's stomach into fits of WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU DOING TO ME.
But we all know I have a stomach of steel so I am not worried.
Thanks for following me and--for those of you who have seen me clean a plate--having faith in me.
Until tomorrow...
Tonight was the first night that watching Epic Mealtime didn't borderline turn me on. To the contrary, it actually made me sort of sad and I couldn't really enjoy it, especially as I focused on the lack of gratitude those buffoons have for their food. Not once are they like, "Wow, Baconator EggMcMuffin Pizza Lasagna, you are freaking delicious"--and they should.
Maybe it's because they are drunk and are just concentrating on not puking. Which brings me to the next thing I realized:
It must epically suck to go sober. I say this because I'm not even an alcoholic, and I enjoy booze so much--be it a sloppy hoppy beer, a glam rockstar vodka redbull kick, or a classy glass of wine--that I could not imagine life without it. To rely on something so heavily that you go out of control to the point of rehab, only to have that TAKEN AWAY must be an abysmal realization. Means you were running from something worse than the rest of us.
Back to me, I got too cocky tonight. The Hashers (hash.org) were all doing a bar crawl in Venice so I figured, it's my last night of the cleanse, why not bike over and say hi. I was immediately offered 4 kinds of sausage and 3 different pitchers of beer, and I knew it was probably a mistake. I didn't want to offend anyone, but Hashers are like Italians in that if you're not eating or drinking to excess in their presence, you must be unhappy.
Seeing them was nice--for the first 15 minutes. Then the smell of bratwurst and the golden, crisped to perfection hashbrowns got to be too much. As was my moodiness which had managed to skyrocket in a matter of minutes upon entering the next bar and realizing that no one was going to stop offering me beer until I was drinking one--and that was not happening. So I left.
Being able to have fun in a social situation where drinking is involved but I am sober is not something I enjoy doing. I realize this makes me sound like an alcoholic. But I'm not. I would just prefer the ritual of holding the drink, even if it's just one, and feeling integrated with the group--not standing on the sidelines like a schoolgirl tattling on the cool kids for not including you in their game.
To wrap this up:
Pros of the Cleanse have been=deeper sleep, confidence that I can do pretty much anything no matter how uncomfortable, and a renewed appreciation for food; AND being super excited to try all these new healthy recipes like lentil burgers (thanks Jenn), banana pudding, healthy nachos, and homemade sushi!
Cons=I'm bored out of my motherf*cking skull.
I will of course be reporting in tomorrow when I figure out what it's like to chew again. That is if I don't immediately throw up as YouTube will have me believe. Granted these testimonials were Master Cleanse people after TEN days of not eating, but apparently a SIP OF ORANGE JUICE was enough to send one girl's stomach into fits of WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU DOING TO ME.
But we all know I have a stomach of steel so I am not worried.
Thanks for following me and--for those of you who have seen me clean a plate--having faith in me.
Until tomorrow...
Thursday, June 16, 2011
THE CLEANSE, Day 2 (of 3):"Bacon gettin' freaky wit da cupcake apparatus"
Well, I'm not sure what to say. I've just watched my 7th episode of "Epic Meal Time", which is basically a bunch of racially confused bros getting drunk and cooking the most delicious shit you can possibly imagine. I've included YouTube screenshots below (hey, it's like I'm still at work).
Day 2 is down and I've come to realize two things. One, food is a privilege. To think that there are people who don't get to experience the ecstasy of a bacon cheeseburger, (or cheese slathered veggie nachos for all you vegetarians), truly saddens me. I realize now that food should not be abused, taken for granted or consumed simply because it's there. Doing any of these things is greedy. And will probably make you fat.
I've also realized that Day 3 of a fast is probably the hump, and I now see why people are able to go like 17 days on the Master Cleanse. Because once you've gone three--well, shit. Keep goin! However, I've also come to the conclusion that these people are not Italian.
Although I will honestly say I have not felt hungry ONCE this whole time, I've been plagued by a sort of quiet nagging that says, Sam! Soon you'll be able to eat whateeeever you want. And you'll have to be really disciplined so you don't undo all your hard work. And sometimes it says, Sam! Make sure to eat a 1,500 calorie iHop burrito the SECOND this shit is over!
But I know better. Though a small part of me is excited to be able to eat that stuff again, I also equally crave and look forward to avocado, fluffy lettuce ("Boston" technically, but I call it fluffy), and the prospect of MAKING SUSHI OMGOMGOMG. I realized that all I need is ahi grade tuna and some seaweed wraps from Whole Foods! ChaCHING playa.
Maybe it's not food I miss, but the thoughts and feelings associated with it. Any time I'm eating an extra stellar meal, it's usually because I'm out with friends (probably also drinking), rewarding myself for a long day, or preparing to go somewhere and having some alone time. Either way, I've learned that I don't want to live my life without food as a central tenet--I will always be skewed toward the "live to eat" demo.
So why have I developed a twisted affinity for watching guys make and consume the most greasy food in existence? Not sure. But it's the next best thing to eating it, and that's good enough for me.
Until tomorrow...
Day 2 is down and I've come to realize two things. One, food is a privilege. To think that there are people who don't get to experience the ecstasy of a bacon cheeseburger, (or cheese slathered veggie nachos for all you vegetarians), truly saddens me. I realize now that food should not be abused, taken for granted or consumed simply because it's there. Doing any of these things is greedy. And will probably make you fat.
I've also realized that Day 3 of a fast is probably the hump, and I now see why people are able to go like 17 days on the Master Cleanse. Because once you've gone three--well, shit. Keep goin! However, I've also come to the conclusion that these people are not Italian.
Although I will honestly say I have not felt hungry ONCE this whole time, I've been plagued by a sort of quiet nagging that says, Sam! Soon you'll be able to eat whateeeever you want. And you'll have to be really disciplined so you don't undo all your hard work. And sometimes it says, Sam! Make sure to eat a 1,500 calorie iHop burrito the SECOND this shit is over!
But I know better. Though a small part of me is excited to be able to eat that stuff again, I also equally crave and look forward to avocado, fluffy lettuce ("Boston" technically, but I call it fluffy), and the prospect of MAKING SUSHI OMGOMGOMG. I realized that all I need is ahi grade tuna and some seaweed wraps from Whole Foods! ChaCHING playa.
Maybe it's not food I miss, but the thoughts and feelings associated with it. Any time I'm eating an extra stellar meal, it's usually because I'm out with friends (probably also drinking), rewarding myself for a long day, or preparing to go somewhere and having some alone time. Either way, I've learned that I don't want to live my life without food as a central tenet--I will always be skewed toward the "live to eat" demo.
So why have I developed a twisted affinity for watching guys make and consume the most greasy food in existence? Not sure. But it's the next best thing to eating it, and that's good enough for me.
Until tomorrow...
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
THE CLEANSE, Day 1 (of 3): Fixin' up to swallow me whole
So this is what masochism feels like. I've literally been googling pictures of "melted cheese pizza", "gourmet ice cream sandwich" and "juicy cheeseburger". Not because I'm hungry, but because I am getting some kind of sick kick out of just looking at these things. We all knew I was a little bit of a weirdo.
Well today was a success, not so much because I didn't eat, but because I didn't get fired. I'd say the worst side effect of this cleanse is irritability. One of our vendors brought us Fatburger for lunch and another brought us gourmet chocolate chip cookies for afternoon snack. Thinking about it now gets me riled up, and I'm not even hungry. I wasn't really then either, but just the fact that I like those things and had to sit idle while my team took juicy bites out of of greasy beef and chocolatey morsels made my head spin.
If anything, I've been super pensive lately. Not having food to think about has made me focus on other things, like what the hell I'm doing with my life and if I'll ever have enough money to like, not think about money. Or to live in NYC again. Speaking of the city, holy CRAP I missed it today. Those hazy summer nights in heels and jumpers, owning the world as we drunkenly pranced from bar to pub. I am so glad that the place to go to relive my youth is somewhere I will always enjoy, and not some faraway metaphorical playground I'll never go back to, like Nebraska or something.
I also went into Whole Foods today to get avocados and special tea (I found an "Aztec chili" variety with an illustration of chili peppers and some squares of dark chocolate on the box. Expecting it to taste like Lindt's Chili Dark Chocolate bar, I'm sure I'll be sorely disappointed.) The avocados are for AFTER the cleanse, before you get all "ooohh...what are those for!?" True, I am still fantasizing about pizza whose cheese stretches two feet off the plate, but I'm pretty sure that by Saturday, a giant salad of avocado slices, toasted veggie burger and maaaaybe some hummus will send me into fits of hysteria from the sensory overload.
But the hardest thing so far has been the excitement I feel about the prospect of dinner, and the immediate sinking feeling that comes when I realize there will be no dinner. I can see how hunger could craze a person. Like just now, I looked at the clock and went holy shit, how did I just spend 4 hours doing nothing? I'm going to be so tired tomorrow morning and then was quickly relieved by thinking about the delicious breakfast I would make for myself. Maybe some whole grain toast with mango butter jelly and some delicious--AAHHHHHHNG try again. Kale juice.
Guess I'll just have to keep myself busy drooling over pictures of what I am going to eat when this hellish endeavor is over. Only I would actively seek out these images on a fast. (Though I will be sure to make my nachoes healthy, with low fat chips and light cheese). What is wrong with me.
Until tomorrow...
Well today was a success, not so much because I didn't eat, but because I didn't get fired. I'd say the worst side effect of this cleanse is irritability. One of our vendors brought us Fatburger for lunch and another brought us gourmet chocolate chip cookies for afternoon snack. Thinking about it now gets me riled up, and I'm not even hungry. I wasn't really then either, but just the fact that I like those things and had to sit idle while my team took juicy bites out of of greasy beef and chocolatey morsels made my head spin.
If anything, I've been super pensive lately. Not having food to think about has made me focus on other things, like what the hell I'm doing with my life and if I'll ever have enough money to like, not think about money. Or to live in NYC again. Speaking of the city, holy CRAP I missed it today. Those hazy summer nights in heels and jumpers, owning the world as we drunkenly pranced from bar to pub. I am so glad that the place to go to relive my youth is somewhere I will always enjoy, and not some faraway metaphorical playground I'll never go back to, like Nebraska or something.
I also went into Whole Foods today to get avocados and special tea (I found an "Aztec chili" variety with an illustration of chili peppers and some squares of dark chocolate on the box. Expecting it to taste like Lindt's Chili Dark Chocolate bar, I'm sure I'll be sorely disappointed.) The avocados are for AFTER the cleanse, before you get all "ooohh...what are those for!?" True, I am still fantasizing about pizza whose cheese stretches two feet off the plate, but I'm pretty sure that by Saturday, a giant salad of avocado slices, toasted veggie burger and maaaaybe some hummus will send me into fits of hysteria from the sensory overload.
But the hardest thing so far has been the excitement I feel about the prospect of dinner, and the immediate sinking feeling that comes when I realize there will be no dinner. I can see how hunger could craze a person. Like just now, I looked at the clock and went holy shit, how did I just spend 4 hours doing nothing? I'm going to be so tired tomorrow morning and then was quickly relieved by thinking about the delicious breakfast I would make for myself. Maybe some whole grain toast with mango butter jelly and some delicious--AAHHHHHHNG try again. Kale juice.
Guess I'll just have to keep myself busy drooling over pictures of what I am going to eat when this hellish endeavor is over. Only I would actively seek out these images on a fast. (Though I will be sure to make my nachoes healthy, with low fat chips and light cheese). What is wrong with me.
Until tomorrow...
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Pre-Cleanse, Day 2: The longest day
What would possess a sound-minded Italian to think she could go three days without eating solid food? Really?
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read my last entry. And if you did, then you're probably laughing at my miserable ass, all melancholy and lethargic.
Visions of an energetically "cleansed" and toxin-free me, all shiny hair and tanned limbs pedaling down Santa Monica Blvd. quickly disintegrated as I realized that the only thing I'm going to be doing energetically for the next three days is SLEEP.
Tonight, as I walked into a work seminar on digital advertising, my eyes immediately darted to the 87 boxes of Domino's stacked neatly against the wall. I knew I couldn't have any, after having eaten only fruit and salad all day (a butt ton of fruit and salad, mind you). Watching my friends bite into the thick cheese and crispy crust, I felt arrestingly empty, like a friend had died. Probably a sign that it was time to try this out. Normally, if I was really starving, I'd house about 5 of those little slices. But not tonight!
The anxiety has passed, the fantasy gone, and the disillusion and general sense of gloom have set in. It's not that this is impossible--au contraire. I'm actually looking forward to tasting the juice. I am NOT, however, looking forward to lunchtime, which is pretty much the highlight of my workday, which tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that will have become a sad void filled merely with a mixture of P.A.M. (Pineapple, Apple Juice and I forget).
In short, I have never wanted to bite into a stale, kind of cold slice of Domino's pizza so much in my life. This was probably not because I was really that hungry, but more because I'm used to getting what I want. And I don't say this in a spoiled way--I say it in an assertive, effective, ambitious way.
I don't mean to sound negative--I AM still doing it. I've come too far. And it hasn't even started yet.
.....but this is what I'm eating once I finish.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read my last entry. And if you did, then you're probably laughing at my miserable ass, all melancholy and lethargic.
Visions of an energetically "cleansed" and toxin-free me, all shiny hair and tanned limbs pedaling down Santa Monica Blvd. quickly disintegrated as I realized that the only thing I'm going to be doing energetically for the next three days is SLEEP.
Tonight, as I walked into a work seminar on digital advertising, my eyes immediately darted to the 87 boxes of Domino's stacked neatly against the wall. I knew I couldn't have any, after having eaten only fruit and salad all day (a butt ton of fruit and salad, mind you). Watching my friends bite into the thick cheese and crispy crust, I felt arrestingly empty, like a friend had died. Probably a sign that it was time to try this out. Normally, if I was really starving, I'd house about 5 of those little slices. But not tonight!
The anxiety has passed, the fantasy gone, and the disillusion and general sense of gloom have set in. It's not that this is impossible--au contraire. I'm actually looking forward to tasting the juice. I am NOT, however, looking forward to lunchtime, which is pretty much the highlight of my workday, which tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that will have become a sad void filled merely with a mixture of P.A.M. (Pineapple, Apple Juice and I forget).
In short, I have never wanted to bite into a stale, kind of cold slice of Domino's pizza so much in my life. This was probably not because I was really that hungry, but more because I'm used to getting what I want. And I don't say this in a spoiled way--I say it in an assertive, effective, ambitious way.
I don't mean to sound negative--I AM still doing it. I've come too far. And it hasn't even started yet.
.....but this is what I'm eating once I finish.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Pre-Cleanse, Day 1: "I can't go. I'm drinking juice."
Spending $195 on juice has not been one of my most rational decisions of late. This is a fact. But I've been pretty obsessed with the idea of doing a cleanse since almost two years ago (holy sh*t, really?) when I met someone who hadn't eaten for 12 days, looked absolutely awesome and had more energy than a 7-year-old boy who had just done a couple lines of pixie stick.
I thought, What a swell idea! I could easily give up food for ten days (recommended # for optimal results), subsisting merely on a blend of lemon water (organic lemons of course), cayenne pepper and Grade B maple syrup (for energy). I even read the book on the this cleanse, referred to by its followers as the Master Cleanse, which of course was created by a nutritionist, not an MD.
After trying, to no avail, to schedule 10 days where I would be free to not eat i.e. not have to deal with the perils of business dinners and other work-related obstacles that would hinder my mission, my plan quickly fell by the wayside, relegated to the corner of my mind where the motorcycle license and somelier certification are getting antsy.
So how I find myself prepping for a three day Blueprint cleanse (retail $255, so I did get a slight break...thanks Daily Candy), is beyond me. The Master would have cost about $30 to do for three days, but everything I read said you really didn't gain any benefits until after all the nasty side effects of toxin-stirring have passed, and that didn't come til Day 4. So Blueprint it was.
This cleanse lets you consume six healthily sized bottles of juice a day. 1,200 calories, Mom, so I'm not going to waste away. And it's WAY more nutritionally sound from the literature than the Master. Tons of vitamins and minerals because the juice is pressed from fruit and vegetables--unlike the Master which is like stripping your system of everything, and forcing you to poo multiple times a day with a fun mandatory salt water flush each AM.
But still, even before the cleanse, I've experienced low energy, feelings of panic, and anxiety over having spent the money in vain if I can't follow through. Most of this can be attributed to being Italian. But the small percentage that may not be has me thinking hard about what I'm afraid of.
Three days before the cleanse, you're supposed to phase out meat (no problem--sorry Granny), dairy (I WILL eat cheese again, I WILL eat cheese again) and basically eat like a vegan. So basically, today I ate how most of the people in LA eat, and I felt kind of woozy. And believe me, I ate a substantial amount of food, which leads me to believe this fear of mine is largely mental.
I just LOVE eating. The taste of food literally makes me happy. Ask anyone who knows me and they'll laugh at the thought of me not eating for three days. Yet I have convinced myself that this is one bucket list item I cannot skip over.
I know it's possible, and I know that I will be eating (and drinking alcohol) again as soon as this weekend, but still the thought of not being able to break up the periodic boredom at work with a granola bar or some cereal is somewhat unsettling. But before you think I'm doing this to lose weight, I'm not. Obviously I could just eat like I did today and lose a bunch, but that to me is less healthy than a measured, nutritional calorie-full day of juice.
When I moved to LA last summer, I dramatically changed the way I ate, lost about 15 lbs and felt sexier and more energetic than ever. I just want to get back to that mindset--that there's no need to eat cupcakes every day, just because they're there.
We'll see. Maybe by Friday I'll be cursing all the hippies that do this shit and greedily scarfing down some KFC.
....God, that sounds amazing right now.
I thought, What a swell idea! I could easily give up food for ten days (recommended # for optimal results), subsisting merely on a blend of lemon water (organic lemons of course), cayenne pepper and Grade B maple syrup (for energy). I even read the book on the this cleanse, referred to by its followers as the Master Cleanse, which of course was created by a nutritionist, not an MD.
After trying, to no avail, to schedule 10 days where I would be free to not eat i.e. not have to deal with the perils of business dinners and other work-related obstacles that would hinder my mission, my plan quickly fell by the wayside, relegated to the corner of my mind where the motorcycle license and somelier certification are getting antsy.
So how I find myself prepping for a three day Blueprint cleanse (retail $255, so I did get a slight break...thanks Daily Candy), is beyond me. The Master would have cost about $30 to do for three days, but everything I read said you really didn't gain any benefits until after all the nasty side effects of toxin-stirring have passed, and that didn't come til Day 4. So Blueprint it was.
This cleanse lets you consume six healthily sized bottles of juice a day. 1,200 calories, Mom, so I'm not going to waste away. And it's WAY more nutritionally sound from the literature than the Master. Tons of vitamins and minerals because the juice is pressed from fruit and vegetables--unlike the Master which is like stripping your system of everything, and forcing you to poo multiple times a day with a fun mandatory salt water flush each AM.
But still, even before the cleanse, I've experienced low energy, feelings of panic, and anxiety over having spent the money in vain if I can't follow through. Most of this can be attributed to being Italian. But the small percentage that may not be has me thinking hard about what I'm afraid of.
Three days before the cleanse, you're supposed to phase out meat (no problem--sorry Granny), dairy (I WILL eat cheese again, I WILL eat cheese again) and basically eat like a vegan. So basically, today I ate how most of the people in LA eat, and I felt kind of woozy. And believe me, I ate a substantial amount of food, which leads me to believe this fear of mine is largely mental.
I just LOVE eating. The taste of food literally makes me happy. Ask anyone who knows me and they'll laugh at the thought of me not eating for three days. Yet I have convinced myself that this is one bucket list item I cannot skip over.
I know it's possible, and I know that I will be eating (and drinking alcohol) again as soon as this weekend, but still the thought of not being able to break up the periodic boredom at work with a granola bar or some cereal is somewhat unsettling. But before you think I'm doing this to lose weight, I'm not. Obviously I could just eat like I did today and lose a bunch, but that to me is less healthy than a measured, nutritional calorie-full day of juice.
When I moved to LA last summer, I dramatically changed the way I ate, lost about 15 lbs and felt sexier and more energetic than ever. I just want to get back to that mindset--that there's no need to eat cupcakes every day, just because they're there.
We'll see. Maybe by Friday I'll be cursing all the hippies that do this shit and greedily scarfing down some KFC.
....God, that sounds amazing right now.
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