Pre-Cleanse, Day 1: "I can't go. I'm drinking juice."

Spending $195 on juice has not been one of my most rational decisions of late.  This is a fact.  But I've been pretty obsessed with the idea of doing a cleanse since almost two years ago (holy sh*t, really?) when I met someone who hadn't eaten for 12 days, looked absolutely awesome and had more energy than a 7-year-old boy who had just done a couple lines of pixie stick.

I thought, What a swell idea! I could easily give up food for ten days (recommended # for optimal results), subsisting merely on a blend of lemon water (organic lemons of course), cayenne pepper and Grade B maple syrup (for energy).  I even read the book on the this cleanse, referred to by its followers as the Master Cleanse, which of course was created by a nutritionist, not an MD.

After trying, to no avail, to schedule 10 days where I would be free to not eat i.e. not have to deal with the perils of business dinners and other work-related obstacles that would hinder my mission, my plan quickly fell by the wayside, relegated to the corner of my mind where the motorcycle license and somelier certification are getting antsy.

So how I find myself prepping for a three day Blueprint cleanse (retail $255, so I did get a slight break...thanks Daily Candy), is beyond me.  The Master would have cost about $30 to do for three days, but everything I read said you really didn't gain any benefits until after all the nasty side effects of toxin-stirring have passed, and that didn't come til Day 4.  So Blueprint it was.

This cleanse lets you consume six healthily sized bottles of juice a day.  1,200 calories, Mom, so I'm not going to waste away.  And it's  WAY more nutritionally sound from the literature than the Master.  Tons of vitamins and minerals because the juice is pressed from fruit and vegetables--unlike the Master which is like stripping your system of everything, and forcing you to poo multiple times a day with a fun mandatory salt water flush each AM.

But still, even before the cleanse, I've experienced low energy, feelings of panic, and anxiety over having spent the money in vain if I can't follow through.  Most of this can be attributed to being Italian.  But the small percentage that may not be has me thinking hard about what I'm afraid of.

Three days before the cleanse, you're supposed to phase out meat (no problem--sorry Granny), dairy (I WILL eat cheese again, I WILL eat cheese again) and basically eat like a vegan.  So basically, today I ate how most of the people in LA eat, and I felt kind of woozy.  And believe me, I ate a substantial amount of food, which leads me to believe this fear of mine is largely mental.

I just LOVE eating.  The taste of food literally makes me happy.  Ask anyone who knows me and they'll laugh at the thought of me not eating for three days.  Yet I have convinced myself that this is one bucket list item I cannot skip over.

I know it's possible, and I know that I will be eating (and drinking alcohol) again as soon as this weekend, but still the thought of not being able to break up the periodic boredom at work with a granola bar or some cereal is somewhat unsettling.  But before you think I'm doing this to lose weight, I'm not.  Obviously I could just eat like I did today and lose a bunch, but that to me is less healthy than a measured, nutritional calorie-full day of juice.

When I moved to LA last summer, I dramatically changed the way I ate, lost about 15 lbs and felt sexier and more energetic than ever.  I just want to get back to that mindset--that there's no need to eat cupcakes every day, just because they're there.

We'll see.  Maybe by Friday I'll be cursing all the hippies that do this shit and greedily scarfing down some KFC.

....God, that sounds amazing right now.